Parenting a College Freshman: A Student's Perspective
(Adapted from the National Orientation Director's Association)
Your young person is about to enter a time that is both exciting and frightening. It is a period of joy, pain, discovery, and disappointment. Students are beginning a period of their lives from which they will emerge as different persons. And, ready or not, you are entering this period with your son or daughter. You will also experience the same joys and sorrows as your son or daughter, from a second-hand perspective. No one can predict exactly what your student's first year in college may bring. Nonetheless, the following suggestions should help you make it through the first year without loss of sanity, but with a strengthened and new parent/child relationship. At their best, these suggestions may prepare you to deal effectively with several common first-year experiences. Furthermore, they can help you think about your reactions to situations before and/or if you encounter them.
Expect Change
Your student will change. He or she will change drastically within the first few months, gradually over the college years, or somewhere in between. It is natural, inevitable, and it can be inspiring and beautiful, but often it is a pain in the neck. College, and experiences associated with it, can effect changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior. Your shy wallflower may become a fraternity sweetheart; a premed student may discover a stranger love for drama or literature; or a high school radical may become a college scholar, or vice versa.
You cannot stop change. You may not understand it, but it is within your power and to your advantage to accept it. Remember that your freshman will remain basically the same person you sent away to school. His or her interests and personality may change, but the basic person remains the same. Do not expect too much maturation too soon. Your freshman may return home with some of the same habits and hang-ups, however unsophisticated, that you thought he or she had outgrown. Be patient, hang on, and be ready for the change.
Remember.. It Takes Time To Adjust
The first few days and weeks of school are activity-packed and friend-jammed. The challenge of meeting new people and adjusting to new situations takes the majority of a freshman's time and concentration. Still, this transition can be intimidating. Your student may have moments where he or she long for the comfort of the familiar life they left behind. Do not be surprised if this is the case, adjustment will come, and the new will eventually become the familiar.
Write (even if they do not write back)
Although freshmen are typically eager to experience the "away-from-home independence," most are anxious for family ties and the security those ties bring within their first few weeks away. Family may misinterpret this surge of independence. However dull and ordinary it may seem, news from home is always appreciated. There is nothing more depressing than a week of empty mailboxes. Do not expect a reply to every letter you write. College students do not follow the you-write-one, they-write-one scenario, so get set for some unanswered correspondence. Nevertheless, do not lose sight of the importance to your son or daughter of receiving mail from home.
Ask questions (but not too many)
College freshmen are often insecure, but eager to establish their independence. They often have a tendency to resent interference with their new lifestyles. However, they do desire the security of knowing that their family remains interested in them. Parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating or relief giving and supportive, depending on the attitudes of the persons. Questions tinged with "I-have-a-right-to-know" feelings, ulterior motives, and nagging should be avoided. However, honest inquiries and other "between friends" communication and discussion will most likely do much to enhance the parent-freshman relationship.
Be supportive (but do not smother)
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. It is a lot of give and only a little take. Often when troubles become too much for a freshman to handle (a flunked test, an ended relationship, and a shrunken T-shirt all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Unfortunately, this is often the only time the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you may not always hear about the "A" paper, the new companion, or the domestic triumph. During these "challenging" times, your son or daughter may unload troubles or tears. After the "challenge," students typically return to a regular routine, relieved, while you inherit the burden of worry. Remember that students are adults. |
Welcome Parents, “You are not finished yet! At Texas Southern University, academic excellence is a family affair. You continue to play an important role in your child’s life. Our aim is to reduce lingering anxiety and provide helpful tips for parenting success in this phase of your child’s academic development. We try to anticipate your concerns, provide relevant information, and familiarize you with your son’s or daughter’s university. 
